The Gray Man and My Grey Chimera

For the past few days in a row, I've been lost in the world of movies. Today, my attention was particularly drawn to a movie named 'The Gray Man'. Halfway through, my eyes were drawn to the character bond between Claire Fitzroy and Sierra Six. Even in the midst of those action sequences, a fraction of his affection pierced me. So, as usual, I sank into the ocean of my untold miseries.

But why, God, why? Why does this haunt me? But my conscious mind replied back in a moment, 'Don't you remember, darling? The thing you've always craved—melancholy for a brotherhood—that pain is the byproduct of your colossal delusion.'

Okay then, let me trace back to the beginning. I was 8 when I first realized the biggest hole in my life: the absence of a Big Brother. At that age, I never knew that this would make me the most vulnerable girl of the millennium in the future. At the age of 12, I became attached to a film actor. Guess who? None other than the Bhaijaan of India—the great Salman Khan! Now you may wonder, 'But why?' Yes, there is a reason. The story behind his love towards his adopted sister Arpita ignited a fire of illusion in me. I also started to believe that one day Salman Khan would adopt me so that I could wear my insecurities like a crown. But that day never came. And I grew up despite everything I had to deal with.

Are you wondering if I'm such a weak, vulnerable, idiot woman? No, I'm not. Then why this need for brotherhood punctuations? Because beyond all those strong phases of mine hid a tiny little girl who wished to hide under the wings of her big brother. As a child, it was her imagination. But even after growing up, she refused to give up that illusion. There arose the real tragedy.

She loved her Maama more than anyone else in this world, at times even more than her father. Yet her relationship stumbled, and her heart got trampled on the sand. She loved her Chettan more than herself, and yet it was consumed by the same fate. No one really cared! Or maybe they cared. Maybe, amidst her fantasies, she failed to recognize their love and affection. Well, the Almighty knows best!

But yes... After every long breath... after every loss... after every win... I still wish in vain what if I could revoke my curses...

But I'm already 25. It's too late for me to wish for all those things. Everything has drifted so far and far away, beyond my discernible senses.

"but darling, i destroy everything i love. like my favourite cup that i held a little too tightly because i was afraid that it would fall and break into pieces.
 it shattered in my hands"
-Quote Credits: writerspocket


~✍SalmaAneesaBabu🦋